Poor Me

Hey low my B!!
haha... its been a while since im here..
dont know la, maybe my life has changed 360degree thats y..
im currently working and life is not the same anymore..
well, have to wake up every morning, have your breakfast, face the traffic...
kind of the same routine and yeah, ull get bored everyday.. =p
but i really love my work tho its a bit tiring and challenging..
d most important is to have fun!! (^_^)

But there is one part that makes me feel a bit sad..
about next year budget, how ironic it is that we have struggled for these 4 years of studying,
yet we are being considered as 'poor' in the budget...
haish, what can i do, now im poor, so i can beg for money.. ;p
cost of living is definitely increasing day by day..
then all the developers are enthusiast for this high cost house..
living in klang valley sure is challenging..
theres no more house below than 350k in ampang area..
then the petrol, or even lrt fare, taxi fare...
everything is increasing..
but since its my 1st year of working, definitely my salary will be stagnant..
thats why the gap is getting bigger..
rich become richer & thee poor will definitely getting poorer...
do you know why the rich will be richer?
because they use a lot of credit cards in their daily expenses..
the more the usage, the more rewars points they will earn..
then they can redeem a lot of good stuffs from the points,
which logically speaking, they can afford it themselves...
but this poor people, who doesnt even have the capability to own a credit card,
have to buy all of these 'freebies' themselves...
hurm...
then, about the house.. if you can see right now,
the reality scenario is that the middle income people (like me, but in the budget they call us miskin la), have to rent a house instead of buying it..
since its hard to buy a house, the monthly payment will be around 800 or more...
so they choose to rent.. but in the end, after many years of paying, we will never have the house as our own property..
that is why, the middle income prefer to buy houses outside klang valley such as seremban, nilai, rawang etc which we can buy it at lower costs.
Nevertheless, they have to pay for more petrol & toll.. which is a lot!!
hurm, so the middle income will spent more either to live in klang valley or to stay a bit far..
but the rich will become richer..
because eventho they are working inside kl,
they live nearby, if its not for condominium in klang valley area,
it will be bungalows, semi-d around klangvalley area..
price hikes like every year and its gone crazier right now..
they are so expensive and unaffordable for the middle income..
so where is our stand and place?

Its just that i am really sad..
because i have struggled a lot during my study time,
yet when i was out of my uni,
and step into the real world..
i began to see the REAL world la..
its harsh an dunforgiving..
im really tired of looking forward..
i dont know whether its unfair or not..
but i feel a little lost in my own world..

za's engagement

well, it seems that we are all getting older.. ;p
as for zarina, i wish u all the best in ur relationship..
happy engagement..
may ull be happy with audi...
and make sure that the wedding is soon.. ;)
hehe..
im glad that u r happy...
all of us are..
hurm,
well..in this age of 23..
going to be..
im not sure myself if i am in that age..
u know, i still feel like shouting, playing, having fun...
well, i dun know when i wanted to stop and move on..
life is complicated though..
one second u r happy n stable..
one second ull feel alone and sad...
i kinda dun know what it is all about..
turning wiser is something u should expect when ur age is increasing..
haha, but honestly i dun know..
im still the same huda as i used to be..
i have to tolerate more and love more..
but i couldnt do it..
sometimes i feel like life is unfair...
when people hurt me, i should hurt them back..
that is so childish, i know!
but, i still wanted to do that...
its quite complicated my head is...
maybe im just tired of getting hurt by other people..
i used to give in..
i always tell myself to let it go, i have nothing to lose..
but ya, actually i have a lot of things to lose..
why do these people hurting me?
i dont know..
maybe its my fault...
hurm.. thinking bout past..
how past can make u a better person?
i have lots of past..
past that made me who i am today..
few years back,
ive hurt someone..
ive hurt him so bad...
i think up until now, he doesnt know why i hurt him..
and i think it is better that way..
im giving in..
i just wanted the people i love to be happy...
u know, choose the lesser evil...
but up until now,
he still act like he doesnt know me...
i am so cruel..
coz i know his past.. i know that he should not get hurt anymore by any mean..
but i did that to him..
well, i regretted it..
but people say that what past is past..
i still cant accept what i did up until now...
i dont know whether i like this person or not back then..
but i cant jeopardize my relationship with people i love...
so i chose to hurt him...
he used to gave me good advices... he used to care..
but he never show me love..
neither any of passion in having me as more than friends..
so i dont know..
and maybe i choose not to know of his feelings..
coz he'll never show it to me...
well,
i hope what i did was the the best..
im just hoping that someday he'll forgive me...
its the least that i can get..
and from the bottom of my heart....
im so sorry...

well, its 2010 already..
i guess ill turn 23 in these few months..
i dont know what makem me feel that im so old already..
talking bout getting older, its just sad how people can aged so much but still be uncivilized..
haha...
i was on the lrt the other day and it was not that crowded..
i was able to get a seat... but as u know, we moved from one station to another,
the lrt was getting crowded..
there were a lot of young boys who were sitting,
listening to the mp3, some of them were on the phone..
and yada.. yada.. yada...
u know having fun while relaxing on their seat..
unfortunately for them, when the lrt arrived at one station,
there were few senior citizens got in the lrt..
surprisingly, no one were offering them the seats, which later i chose to do..
but looking at the guys who were enjoying their time just now,
some of them were suddenly sleeping.. (pretend to, most likely i said)
i was so stunned and all of sudden i thought of something..
the reduction of gentleman is getting worse!!!
ohh, how i wish im not there...
well, some of the guys are cute..
but then.. haha.. not interested...
is it hard for young people to stand at most 45minutes?
it will not be any longer than that considering the longest duration of time from terminal putra to kelana jaya is around that duration...
well,
i hope that not all of gentleman extinct..
haha, im posting this not to criticize all men..
coz i know some of you guys are better than gentleman..
but i dont know..
its not easy to fing that kind of guy right??
well, i would like to go again sometime...
to see whether there are still gentleman exist... ;)

life is hard...

hey..
ive been busy this short sem..
duin nothing.. =p
erm, i dunno..
i have no mood for lots of things nowadays..
ive been duin lots of thinking..
n never have a decision...
u know..
life is damn hard..
u think its as easy as disneys movie..
but its definitely not..
im just a gurl who wants her fairy tale comes true..
i dun even know where am i rite now...
yea,
it is some kind of game, ur life..
hurm..
people say that a person who fails to plan, is planning to fail..
not at all true..
im planning from the very beginning of my life..
at least when i can think straight la kan..
hurm,
most of the things ive planned well..
but never any of it came true..
sometimes i hate my life..
i know it sounded like im not thankful or sumthing..
but im totally lost..
lost at a point where i need a break..
a long break from everyone i know..
i need to run..
n never look back..

maybe my mistake is, i put to much expectation..
in people, in my environment..
then when the result is different,
i lost my mind and cant accept things..

sigh...

i guess its how life supposed to be..

matriculation centre...

hey...
its been a while since ive been here..
tons and tons of works to do..
sob3... this is why i hate studying...
haahaha..
but other parts were great..

anyway,
i was accepted to cfs,iium..
centre for foundation studies of iium...
hurm, it was back in 2005 if im not mistaken...
july maybe...
it was one hectic week...
well, its normal to have orientation and all the talks that we have to attend..
its killing us...
haha.. but we went thru it well.. (",)

eventho it was only a short period..
but it really gives me a big impact..
changed me a lot..
its the place where i found my true love..
at least that was what i thought..
but yeah,
i was wrong...

back then i was telling myself not to fall in love..
never during study time..
wait til the graduation day arrives...
but the curiosity..
the feeling of being needed and to need someone is damn strong...
and i did fall in love..

he's a nice guy...
this one i can say..
but maybe its not fated that we should be together..
it really hurts..
not just a small cut..
but big enough to actually tear my world apart...

it was nearly 3 years...
being in love...
and it ended when i was already in main campus...
hurm... 3 years are long..
long enough to give a terrible ache to your heart...
i was startled, lose my vision and trembling each day..
cant even stand on my own feet...
its how i remember..
the pain that is left over..
its not as severe as before...
but im sure it is still here..
deep down inside..

what happens when we are too emotional.......

when my friends told me that im too emotional...

whats up with them?

i kinda pissed off...

haha...without actually analyzing myself...

but when i think back, sit and relax..

then only i know that its true...

why do peple dun know how to control their own feelings?

hurm, its not that easy...

but the thing is we have to learn...

ull know who u really are when u have lot of friends...

they see you from outside view..

we can only see ourselves...

hurm,as faras it goes..

in front of the mirror.. =p

hahahha....

not really.. i mean,

we dun know what people think of us...

its not fair if we said they are wrong....

hurm,

do u know how matured u r?

i dun really know as well..

but all of my friends told me that im too matured..

as compared to my age..

but the thing is,

i kinda disagree...

but somehow...

they see that in me...

then what i did, just accept it.. =)

it does not mean its bad rite??

well,

emotionalis good sometimes...

coz it shows that we are sensitive...

but not too much la guys...

haha...

im learning as well...

hopefully ill be less emotional later on....

well,

it causes a lot of thing pun...

if we are too emotional people will get bored...

haha...

and it shows that we are not gud in controlling our own emotion...

thus, not a good leader...

hurm,

well..

i really hope that ill be better in controlling my own feelings...

hehe..

live life cool la beb!!! =p

weeeeeeeeeeeee............................

educated people..... they are cool... how eh??

people always ask us to learn from the brilliant one...

educated people...
why is that so?
they think outside of the box...
i mean not to say that im that stupid....
but when i talked to this kind of people,
i think i feel sooooo small..
haha..
last sem, i went to meet this one doctor...
not d one who gives you medicine, that one i will think about million times before i go...
hate docs... they gave me headaches... hahaha..
and i hate the smell inside the hosp and clinics...
urrghh, medicine, sickness...
just hate it... thats why i dun want to get sick..
please let me be healthy... =p

ok, lets go back to the topics..
hehe..
diz dr..
he asked me what im gonna do after my graduation..
i told him that im interested in Ar-rajhi, kuwait finance house, bnm etc...
and he asked some of my frens..
but not many of them have their visions...
they just told him that they wanna work..
where? they themselves were not sure..
then he said that its gud that i already haf vision...
i was happy (not praising myself)..
but it was just for a while...
coz he asked me the next question...
how? what have you done so far?
i cant really answered..
coz i did nothing..
i juz know where to work..
but ya, until that point only...

so he told me..
an educated person, will not wait..
he or she will search about the company..read their company profiles..
what they involved in these years until the day of the interview...
not wait up till the eleventh hour..
and read from the internet back to back..
hahaha...

he said even u read 5 mins per week is gud enuf...
thats when i learn how to be a bit smart...
hahaa.. feel kinda dumb.. ;)
but hey,
at least i learn something...
im getting smarter!!!!! (^_^)
hahaha.. poyo jek..