za's engagement

well, it seems that we are all getting older.. ;p
as for zarina, i wish u all the best in ur relationship..
happy engagement..
may ull be happy with audi...
and make sure that the wedding is soon.. ;)
hehe..
im glad that u r happy...
all of us are..
hurm,
well..in this age of 23..
going to be..
im not sure myself if i am in that age..
u know, i still feel like shouting, playing, having fun...
well, i dun know when i wanted to stop and move on..
life is complicated though..
one second u r happy n stable..
one second ull feel alone and sad...
i kinda dun know what it is all about..
turning wiser is something u should expect when ur age is increasing..
haha, but honestly i dun know..
im still the same huda as i used to be..
i have to tolerate more and love more..
but i couldnt do it..
sometimes i feel like life is unfair...
when people hurt me, i should hurt them back..
that is so childish, i know!
but, i still wanted to do that...
its quite complicated my head is...
maybe im just tired of getting hurt by other people..
i used to give in..
i always tell myself to let it go, i have nothing to lose..
but ya, actually i have a lot of things to lose..
why do these people hurting me?
i dont know..
maybe its my fault...
hurm.. thinking bout past..
how past can make u a better person?
i have lots of past..
past that made me who i am today..
few years back,
ive hurt someone..
ive hurt him so bad...
i think up until now, he doesnt know why i hurt him..
and i think it is better that way..
im giving in..
i just wanted the people i love to be happy...
u know, choose the lesser evil...
but up until now,
he still act like he doesnt know me...
i am so cruel..
coz i know his past.. i know that he should not get hurt anymore by any mean..
but i did that to him..
well, i regretted it..
but people say that what past is past..
i still cant accept what i did up until now...
i dont know whether i like this person or not back then..
but i cant jeopardize my relationship with people i love...
so i chose to hurt him...
he used to gave me good advices... he used to care..
but he never show me love..
neither any of passion in having me as more than friends..
so i dont know..
and maybe i choose not to know of his feelings..
coz he'll never show it to me...
well,
i hope what i did was the the best..
im just hoping that someday he'll forgive me...
its the least that i can get..
and from the bottom of my heart....
im so sorry...