sometimes there are laughter everywhere..

but a lot of time will be tears..

we can fake laughter..

we can also fake the tears..

after all we are the actors and actresses in this world..

we have been given a role to play..

whether we do it wisely or do it with style..

our pick..

but as for me,

did i get my pick?

or did i not..

i dont know..

im just being me..

whatever is written..

just go with the flow..

i dont even know whats wrong or whats right for me..

its like blurry and cant choose..

well,

im sure ill find my way someday..

been asking from Him everyday..

i think i have become a very monotone person right now

have no rhythm and whatsoever..

i have to get back on track..

just the matter of time..

???

hey...
im trying to get some sleep...
but there are a lot of things on my mind..
im trying to chill and let things clear..
but everything is a mess..
im lost in a way..
need direction..
but im not sure where to go..
i wanted to ask
but there are no one around..
what should i do?

Dear God,
im thankful that u gave me a lot of things..
and im thankful that u r still giving..
never stop..
sometimes maybe i asked too much
sometimes i might feel that evryhng is not enuf..
but then again,
i always ask myself..
have i done enough?
have i gave enough?
always asking for things, never accepts..
im sorry for this..

Please clear my mind n heart..
i need rest for a while..
what did i do wrong?
is this my fate?
really?
coz if it is,
i have to embrace it..
be sincere n accept things the way it should be..

Alone..........

At times i feel alone..i dont know why but i do..

and at times like this the only one i need is Him..All the time i guess i need Him..But at time like this i need Him more..

How i wish i know whether He loves me or not..whether ill be His selected one or not..

But ya, im not sure..

Everybody is not..But why sometimes i feel like its the end of the world..i feel so lonesome that i could cry..what actually is my goal?

Falah..here and hereafter right..But i know i dont deserve any of that..Far beyond my reach..sometimes i feel like my life is wasted..for what i dont know..i wish i had it from the start.

.I just want to be loved by Him..and of course, i have to make a lot of effort to get to that point..

Maybe what i need to do is to wake up from all this worldly dreams..step into the reality of life..i just need to be me..

with a lot of love for HIm..

maybe i will..

Happiness??

well,

heloo..

Its about our graduation.. hehe..

since i havent say anything about it, i can make it in a short sentence:

I LOVE GRADUATION DAY!!

hahaha.. i had fun, its almost criminal!! =p

erm, well... yang xbestnya is that i was not able to meet all my friends..

graduation gifts for kak baini, kak husna, raisa, ainaa, & mira are still with me... da sebulan simpan.. ;p

i was really glad that we were able to gather some of us for the studio thingy..

at least we had great pics to show to our children and grandchildren.. ;p

and thanx for the makan2 the other day and karaoke at ampang park..

we had a blast..

tapi xleh nak upload gambar kat ampang park lagi since i havent transfer it into my laptop.. still in my camera.. so lazy to do that..

hurm...

now and then meeting up with all my friends make me wonder..

whether we are in the right path or not...

there's a lot of challenges throughout our journey..

ive heard a lot..

and i think we have to think carefully and decide for our own good..

the main focus is our own happiness and of course the people that we love..

ive had a small talk with my friend..

about happiness..

and how we are actually sacrificing our own happiness for others..

well, it is sad but true..

sometimes, there are people who always want the best for their loved one regardless of their own happiness..

but believe it or not,

at one point, that everybody would definitely stop and ponder..

about whether they are happy or not..

whether we have got what we dream of or not..

as for me,

it is okay to think of your own happiness..

it is okay to tell yourself that you deserve something...

coz im tired already..

before this, thats the only thing i can think of.. whether if my action will hurt someone or not..

and i should do this instead of that just to satisfy others..

but after that, i know that i am not an angel..

and i cant satisfy every single person breathing in this life..

so i choose me..

i choose myself to be the priority..

ya, it sounds selfish.. but uhh.. i dont care anymore..

couldnt care less.. its tiring already..
coz at the end of the day,it is always me who'll get hurt..in pain and suffocate for some air..

thus dear friends,

who know why i am talking bout this craps..

just live your life... enjoy it while you can..

dont sacrifice your own happiness for others too much..

its time for you to be happy with yourself and your surroundings..

but whatever it is..

we are still here.. supporitng you and loving you..

(^_^)

gambate!!!

babies!!!!!!!

Welcome babies!!!hehe, my cousin just gave birth last two days..so happy!!the proposed name was orchid dianza or something..haha, im not sure either..she's the first 'cicit' for my grandma..so everyone were and still are so happy..she is verryyyy pretty and sooooooo adorable,that i feel like squeezing her tigh n kiss her all day long..but my good side reminds me "huda, anak orang tu"hahaha.. well, congratulations to abg adam & kak laila..semoga diberkati Allah swt, & dikurniakan lagi ramai askar..Im so glad, my cousin ruz(mak ngah), dalilah(mak lang/teh), yasmin(maksu) who are all the makciks are so happy as well.. hahahahahahaits so funny when they are new life being born..i feel sooo happy and it just made my day!i think, everyday to start my day,i have to read news on new born babies!!seriously it gives you more energy and you feel so great about it..if i have time, ill upload orkid's pics..coz yesterday when i visited her,i was able to bluetoothe pics form my cuz only..so i havent had time to transfer it to my laptop/pendirve.well, welcome, welcome and welcome to all new born baby across the world whereever your cute self are!!!mmuuuahhh!!!!!!!xoxoxoxoxoxoxseriously wanna give lotsa hugs n kisses!!!(^_^)

Graduation fever!!!!

hahaha.. at last, after al these years, we are done!!!!!!

Beautiful

people always judge other people based on their looks..

i wish that everybody un this world looks the same..

physical appearance are being focused instad of attitude and behaviour..

Well, i cant say much because me myself cant judge whether im being biased or not in term of this..

Because a lot of people told me that all my friends are pretty, ive been friends with good looking people..(haha, credit goes to all my friends ya!) =p

but as for me, everybody is beautiful..

God's creatures are all pretty, gorgeous, good looking etc.

I will never choose to be friend with certain of people..

Whether we are comfortable with each other or not...

Thats life..

But you know, talking bout looks..

i wonder why if you have chatting friends,

they will want to see your picture first,

especially the boy-gurl typy of friendship la..

if you are not pretty, then that person wont be friend is it?

i hate it when people are always judging others based on their looks..

and they will always say, "yela, kalau nak kahwin, kena la cari yang cantik / handsome, nanti da xboleh cari lain, sebab nak kahwin kan skali'

or "yela, if xcari yang cantik / handsome, nanti terasa nak carik lain bila da kawin"

aaaaaa... i cant accept this excuses..

well, in each person's eyes, the mening of beauty is different...

maybe in your eyes he/she is not pretty, but in my eyes they are..

but i cant accept it when guys wanted girls who are 'hot' & 'gorgeous'..

have to meet certain criterias and bla bla bla...

Hurm, but not all la kan..

Well, typical guys are..

Sometimes i feel so pity for woman (including myself) =p, since we have to be beautiful always.. have to freshen our look etc.. but do guys always do the same?

when im looking at the reality now, if the wife is pretty and drop dead gorgeous, doesnt mean that the hubby is not messy..

haha.. cant kutuk so much... im afraid if i hurt anybody.. =p

well, its just what i feel these few days..

you know, because of the environment and everything..

well, after all,

for me, still, everyone is beautiful..

you're beatiful, its true!!

Poor Me

Hey low my B!!
haha... its been a while since im here..
dont know la, maybe my life has changed 360degree thats y..
im currently working and life is not the same anymore..
well, have to wake up every morning, have your breakfast, face the traffic...
kind of the same routine and yeah, ull get bored everyday.. =p
but i really love my work tho its a bit tiring and challenging..
d most important is to have fun!! (^_^)

But there is one part that makes me feel a bit sad..
about next year budget, how ironic it is that we have struggled for these 4 years of studying,
yet we are being considered as 'poor' in the budget...
haish, what can i do, now im poor, so i can beg for money.. ;p
cost of living is definitely increasing day by day..
then all the developers are enthusiast for this high cost house..
living in klang valley sure is challenging..
theres no more house below than 350k in ampang area..
then the petrol, or even lrt fare, taxi fare...
everything is increasing..
but since its my 1st year of working, definitely my salary will be stagnant..
thats why the gap is getting bigger..
rich become richer & thee poor will definitely getting poorer...
do you know why the rich will be richer?
because they use a lot of credit cards in their daily expenses..
the more the usage, the more rewars points they will earn..
then they can redeem a lot of good stuffs from the points,
which logically speaking, they can afford it themselves...
but this poor people, who doesnt even have the capability to own a credit card,
have to buy all of these 'freebies' themselves...
hurm...
then, about the house.. if you can see right now,
the reality scenario is that the middle income people (like me, but in the budget they call us miskin la), have to rent a house instead of buying it..
since its hard to buy a house, the monthly payment will be around 800 or more...
so they choose to rent.. but in the end, after many years of paying, we will never have the house as our own property..
that is why, the middle income prefer to buy houses outside klang valley such as seremban, nilai, rawang etc which we can buy it at lower costs.
Nevertheless, they have to pay for more petrol & toll.. which is a lot!!
hurm, so the middle income will spent more either to live in klang valley or to stay a bit far..
but the rich will become richer..
because eventho they are working inside kl,
they live nearby, if its not for condominium in klang valley area,
it will be bungalows, semi-d around klangvalley area..
price hikes like every year and its gone crazier right now..
they are so expensive and unaffordable for the middle income..
so where is our stand and place?

Its just that i am really sad..
because i have struggled a lot during my study time,
yet when i was out of my uni,
and step into the real world..
i began to see the REAL world la..
its harsh an dunforgiving..
im really tired of looking forward..
i dont know whether its unfair or not..
but i feel a little lost in my own world..

za's engagement

well, it seems that we are all getting older.. ;p
as for zarina, i wish u all the best in ur relationship..
happy engagement..
may ull be happy with audi...
and make sure that the wedding is soon.. ;)
hehe..
im glad that u r happy...
all of us are..
hurm,
well..in this age of 23..
going to be..
im not sure myself if i am in that age..
u know, i still feel like shouting, playing, having fun...
well, i dun know when i wanted to stop and move on..
life is complicated though..
one second u r happy n stable..
one second ull feel alone and sad...
i kinda dun know what it is all about..
turning wiser is something u should expect when ur age is increasing..
haha, but honestly i dun know..
im still the same huda as i used to be..
i have to tolerate more and love more..
but i couldnt do it..
sometimes i feel like life is unfair...
when people hurt me, i should hurt them back..
that is so childish, i know!
but, i still wanted to do that...
its quite complicated my head is...
maybe im just tired of getting hurt by other people..
i used to give in..
i always tell myself to let it go, i have nothing to lose..
but ya, actually i have a lot of things to lose..
why do these people hurting me?
i dont know..
maybe its my fault...
hurm.. thinking bout past..
how past can make u a better person?
i have lots of past..
past that made me who i am today..
few years back,
ive hurt someone..
ive hurt him so bad...
i think up until now, he doesnt know why i hurt him..
and i think it is better that way..
im giving in..
i just wanted the people i love to be happy...
u know, choose the lesser evil...
but up until now,
he still act like he doesnt know me...
i am so cruel..
coz i know his past.. i know that he should not get hurt anymore by any mean..
but i did that to him..
well, i regretted it..
but people say that what past is past..
i still cant accept what i did up until now...
i dont know whether i like this person or not back then..
but i cant jeopardize my relationship with people i love...
so i chose to hurt him...
he used to gave me good advices... he used to care..
but he never show me love..
neither any of passion in having me as more than friends..
so i dont know..
and maybe i choose not to know of his feelings..
coz he'll never show it to me...
well,
i hope what i did was the the best..
im just hoping that someday he'll forgive me...
its the least that i can get..
and from the bottom of my heart....
im so sorry...

well, its 2010 already..
i guess ill turn 23 in these few months..
i dont know what makem me feel that im so old already..
talking bout getting older, its just sad how people can aged so much but still be uncivilized..
haha...
i was on the lrt the other day and it was not that crowded..
i was able to get a seat... but as u know, we moved from one station to another,
the lrt was getting crowded..
there were a lot of young boys who were sitting,
listening to the mp3, some of them were on the phone..
and yada.. yada.. yada...
u know having fun while relaxing on their seat..
unfortunately for them, when the lrt arrived at one station,
there were few senior citizens got in the lrt..
surprisingly, no one were offering them the seats, which later i chose to do..
but looking at the guys who were enjoying their time just now,
some of them were suddenly sleeping.. (pretend to, most likely i said)
i was so stunned and all of sudden i thought of something..
the reduction of gentleman is getting worse!!!
ohh, how i wish im not there...
well, some of the guys are cute..
but then.. haha.. not interested...
is it hard for young people to stand at most 45minutes?
it will not be any longer than that considering the longest duration of time from terminal putra to kelana jaya is around that duration...
well,
i hope that not all of gentleman extinct..
haha, im posting this not to criticize all men..
coz i know some of you guys are better than gentleman..
but i dont know..
its not easy to fing that kind of guy right??
well, i would like to go again sometime...
to see whether there are still gentleman exist... ;)

life is hard...

hey..
ive been busy this short sem..
duin nothing.. =p
erm, i dunno..
i have no mood for lots of things nowadays..
ive been duin lots of thinking..
n never have a decision...
u know..
life is damn hard..
u think its as easy as disneys movie..
but its definitely not..
im just a gurl who wants her fairy tale comes true..
i dun even know where am i rite now...
yea,
it is some kind of game, ur life..
hurm..
people say that a person who fails to plan, is planning to fail..
not at all true..
im planning from the very beginning of my life..
at least when i can think straight la kan..
hurm,
most of the things ive planned well..
but never any of it came true..
sometimes i hate my life..
i know it sounded like im not thankful or sumthing..
but im totally lost..
lost at a point where i need a break..
a long break from everyone i know..
i need to run..
n never look back..

maybe my mistake is, i put to much expectation..
in people, in my environment..
then when the result is different,
i lost my mind and cant accept things..

sigh...

i guess its how life supposed to be..

matriculation centre...

hey...
its been a while since ive been here..
tons and tons of works to do..
sob3... this is why i hate studying...
haahaha..
but other parts were great..

anyway,
i was accepted to cfs,iium..
centre for foundation studies of iium...
hurm, it was back in 2005 if im not mistaken...
july maybe...
it was one hectic week...
well, its normal to have orientation and all the talks that we have to attend..
its killing us...
haha.. but we went thru it well.. (",)

eventho it was only a short period..
but it really gives me a big impact..
changed me a lot..
its the place where i found my true love..
at least that was what i thought..
but yeah,
i was wrong...

back then i was telling myself not to fall in love..
never during study time..
wait til the graduation day arrives...
but the curiosity..
the feeling of being needed and to need someone is damn strong...
and i did fall in love..

he's a nice guy...
this one i can say..
but maybe its not fated that we should be together..
it really hurts..
not just a small cut..
but big enough to actually tear my world apart...

it was nearly 3 years...
being in love...
and it ended when i was already in main campus...
hurm... 3 years are long..
long enough to give a terrible ache to your heart...
i was startled, lose my vision and trembling each day..
cant even stand on my own feet...
its how i remember..
the pain that is left over..
its not as severe as before...
but im sure it is still here..
deep down inside..

what happens when we are too emotional.......

when my friends told me that im too emotional...

whats up with them?

i kinda pissed off...

haha...without actually analyzing myself...

but when i think back, sit and relax..

then only i know that its true...

why do peple dun know how to control their own feelings?

hurm, its not that easy...

but the thing is we have to learn...

ull know who u really are when u have lot of friends...

they see you from outside view..

we can only see ourselves...

hurm,as faras it goes..

in front of the mirror.. =p

hahahha....

not really.. i mean,

we dun know what people think of us...

its not fair if we said they are wrong....

hurm,

do u know how matured u r?

i dun really know as well..

but all of my friends told me that im too matured..

as compared to my age..

but the thing is,

i kinda disagree...

but somehow...

they see that in me...

then what i did, just accept it.. =)

it does not mean its bad rite??

well,

emotionalis good sometimes...

coz it shows that we are sensitive...

but not too much la guys...

haha...

im learning as well...

hopefully ill be less emotional later on....

well,

it causes a lot of thing pun...

if we are too emotional people will get bored...

haha...

and it shows that we are not gud in controlling our own emotion...

thus, not a good leader...

hurm,

well..

i really hope that ill be better in controlling my own feelings...

hehe..

live life cool la beb!!! =p

weeeeeeeeeeeee............................

educated people..... they are cool... how eh??

people always ask us to learn from the brilliant one...

educated people...
why is that so?
they think outside of the box...
i mean not to say that im that stupid....
but when i talked to this kind of people,
i think i feel sooooo small..
haha..
last sem, i went to meet this one doctor...
not d one who gives you medicine, that one i will think about million times before i go...
hate docs... they gave me headaches... hahaha..
and i hate the smell inside the hosp and clinics...
urrghh, medicine, sickness...
just hate it... thats why i dun want to get sick..
please let me be healthy... =p

ok, lets go back to the topics..
hehe..
diz dr..
he asked me what im gonna do after my graduation..
i told him that im interested in Ar-rajhi, kuwait finance house, bnm etc...
and he asked some of my frens..
but not many of them have their visions...
they just told him that they wanna work..
where? they themselves were not sure..
then he said that its gud that i already haf vision...
i was happy (not praising myself)..
but it was just for a while...
coz he asked me the next question...
how? what have you done so far?
i cant really answered..
coz i did nothing..
i juz know where to work..
but ya, until that point only...

so he told me..
an educated person, will not wait..
he or she will search about the company..read their company profiles..
what they involved in these years until the day of the interview...
not wait up till the eleventh hour..
and read from the internet back to back..
hahaha...

he said even u read 5 mins per week is gud enuf...
thats when i learn how to be a bit smart...
hahaa.. feel kinda dumb.. ;)
but hey,
at least i learn something...
im getting smarter!!!!! (^_^)
hahaha.. poyo jek..

skip to this part!!

hey u guys....
hehe...
i supposed to tell u guys about my campus life in matriculation center first...
haha...
but the thing is...
i kinda haf a lot of things about me right now...
the best part is i tripped down last saturday...
hahha i was going to my tennis skill and voila i just tripped!!
hehehe...
ouch, it did hurt!!

tilll now, i still cant walk properly... i mean normally la kan...

thanks to all my fwens who really2 took care of me...

my rumies and my dearest bucuk...

haha...

lucky me to haf all of these people surrounding me...

i love them so very much...

thanx a bunch!!!!!!

high school.... (^_^)

im sure all of us will go through this life...
how was it?
high school i mean...
well, im sure everybody have different experience...
as for me,
i loved it!!!
i was in SMK Bukit Indah for 5 years...
just nearby my house...
in ampang...
it was a new school back then...
we were the second batch...
it was so much fun u know...
coz we kinda knew each other...
of course we do!
it was like form 1 and form 2..
and less than 10 people of form 5...
hahhaha...
but now i guess the school is so pack...
i was prefect since i was in form 1...
well, i know there are a lot of people out there who hates prefect...
ouch!!
haha, but i know how u guys feel...
coz when i was in primary school at st mary,
i kinda hate the prefect as well...
hahhaha...
but ended up being one...
do i hate myself???
errrr....
high school is the time u get to know people...
i have a lot of friends...
good friends, best friends, not so good friends...
hahahaha...
well, my friends were alwez there for me...
they accepted me for who i am...
they are great friends...
asilah, faziela, izzati, dayah, naz, dayana, fairoz,
and a looooot more!!
they are just great...
i am me right now, part of it is becoz of them...
u know why??
coz no man is an island,
is an idiom by the way...
every man in every nook and cranny of the world need friends...
they are the one who shaped us...
well, if u guys notice...
most of our time is at school...
7am till 2 pm...
school time...
then sometimes will be at school at 4pm onwards for sport aite?
or extra classes...
so we will be seeing these faces a lot!!
=p
so, basically, i like what they like..
i enjoy doing things that they enjoyed as well...
listen to the same genre of music...
still remember when we were so into bsb and westlife...
hahahahaha.. band boys!!!
i still love their songs right now, but not all...
u know when u tend to say that "hey, nick carter is mine!"
it is sooo lame now...
hahahaha...
but whatever it is,
it is our experiences that taught us a lot...
remember, "experience is the best teacher"
i guess its true... =)

well, i was so serious back then...
i love to laugh a lot!!
believe me, if u knew me,
i dun think u can stand me laughing....
i dunno why,
but i think one of the screw inside my body is loose...
so i cant stop laughing... =p
oh, but i was a strict prefect...
very...
i am very sorry to all my fellow prefect and friends back then...
hahaha... i am so very sorry...
u dunno how sorry i am...
if ever i hurt u guys in any way, please forgive me... =)
well, being an assistant for my very wise head prefect was not easy....
it was a great responsibility...
oh, chan kin wong...
my head prefect..
he's a nice guy... love working with him...
not to mention very smart and brilliant...
and i still remember all of the teachers and students kinda think that something is going on between us... =p
hahahaha, CK im sorry if u read this... ;p
but seriously, there was nothing...
absolutely...
he is a great friend, can be my tutor sometimes...
but we were always together becoz we kinda have to check on the prefects..
but i guess,
it ends since we didnt make a big fuss out of it...
buat bodo je..
lama2 okla kan...
hahaha....

it was so nice being in high school...
wish i cud enter high school once again...
but hey,
we'll get older...
ill be 22 this september...
there's no way in turning back...
(^_^)
i can say that high school is the spice of my life....
weeeeeee....

there's always a first time!!

hey....
woo... never knew ill create my own blog...
i dunno why....
guess i just feel like writing somewhere..
not that i dun have my own journal or something.. but i guess its kinda fun to share...
well.. sharing is caring (^_^)
hurm.. who am i?
people always call me huda...
im just a simple girl who wanna live a spartan life...
i dun want to complicate things but sometimes i did dat...
like a lot...
haha... i love people...
making friends...
talk, chat...
i just love being around people coz it is scary to be alone...
i felt that...
it was tough...
do u know that people said that sometimes it is good to be alone...
i was alone at some point...
it was hard...
and so painful....
i dun even know what to do...
so, that is the reason why i love to be around people...
(^_^)
well, i have a lot of things to tell u...
but ill do that later...
weeeee..... (^_____^)